Letting Go

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This has been a raging debate in my mind for some time now. 

What am I really supposed to be okay with and make peace with? What’s the ultimate formula for a peaceful existence? Is it learning to be okay with uncertainty? Or is chasing absolute certainty with regard to every outcome in life fully justified?

I think chasing absolute certainty can often be a lost cause, because that simply isn’t how life works. Yes, you get what you put out into the world more often than not. But sometimes, life can have other plans. I know it is fairly commonplace for a lot of things in people’s lives to not pan out exactly as they had imagined them to. And as unfair as that may feel sometimes, the key might just be to be okay with that—maybe not immediately, but eventually. 

Learning to embrace or simply live with uncertainty can often be nightmare fuel for the anxious mind. The infinite number of ‘what-if’ scenarios that can come to mind is almost akin to witnessing a multiverse of sadness. It is easy to imagine everything that could possibly go wrong, because most minds are trained to think in that direction.

But maybe there is another approach to making peace with a certain degree of uncertainty. 

Maybe that is to just embrace inevitability. 

Maybe the key is to accept that the way things happen is fairly uncertain in life. To me, just having an inner sense of knowing that everything will work out is what constitutes embracing the inevitable. That sense of knowing, that gut feeling, is ultimately what leads to flow—positive action without unhealthy attachment or expectation. It is where one begins to find that every layer of unfolding, be it ‘good’ or ‘bad’ in the moment, is contributing to one’s highest good in a way one can only possibly see several days, weeks, months, or even years later.

An aversion to accepting a certain degree of uncertainty or embracing inevitability often comes from a sense of urgency driven by fear. Urgency isn’t usually driven by intent. True positive intent values consistency of action, not the immediacy of the desired outcome. 

Maybe it’s all coming together. And maybe not in the way you’ve always imagined or the way anyone else has imagined. And that is okay. Being overly invested in the “how” is a recipe for lifelong disappointment. Much of the universe is beyond our wildest imaginations, and so are most of our lives, and that is exactly what makes the journey as exhilarating as it can be.

Downtime

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Up until my last post, I think I did have hobbies. Now though, they’re just memories on the wall – the ‘wall’ in this case, being a tiny, less frequented corner of the internet. I started off the new year sort of making a resolution. I thought to myself that I was going to make this work. But isn’t that just the thing with most new year resolutions? Most of them are just mumblings that never come to fruition.

The mind sort of knew it wouldn’t happen, but the heart had its fantasies. Fantasies that don’t often play themselves out on their own – unless you do something to change the status quo. I felt I could and would read or write regularly – like every single day. But obviously, the plan bombed. That’s the power of routine. The influence of alarms. The horror of a new homework notification. You go with the flow and think you’re in control for a while – before life switches to ‘autopilot’, often inevitably. I’ve superficially been wanting to do this for very long. And that’s exactly where the problem is – superficiality lacks commitment. And a lack of commitment breeds a lack of action. It took me minimal effort to sit down and simply start typing this without a plan, without the slightest of hints about where I would start, what I would do, what I would draw inspiration from, and how my thoughts would flow.

I already feel better now than I did as I typed ‘wordpress.com’ into that address bar. Surprisingly, getting myself to do this has been a lot of work (more so mentally, than physically). And I only hope I can continue in this wake – every once in a while at least.

Making time for hobbies is no joke as a graduate student. Having only recently started my workout routine all over again, this part of my life too will soon find a spot somewhere, somehow. It has to if I am to maintain my sanity in the long run. It’s been a whirlwind start to the new academic year, and somewhere along the way, I know I might lose myself in the flow all over again.  There’s little else I can do other than steer myself back onto this path as and when I do come back to my senses, as soon as the storm has passed. This has mostly been a platform for me to vent, to say what I liked, whenever I liked, and in whichever way – it always will be. I can’t possibly explain how exhilarating and liberating it was to click on ‘Publish’ for the first time. I truly hope I can find my mojo with this again at some point.

To the distinguished few who follow me here, this is not the end. This blog will live on – and that’s a promise.

The Man For All Seasons

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This is about a man of many skills, jack and master of all trades.

Many regards to the enthusiasm, curiosity and youth that never fades.

 

I’ve always come to see that you’ve loved and lived rhymes.

You’ve read some, written several, and been applauded many a times.

 

Thank you for passing this talent on to me, it has more than changed my life.

For words can move mountains, and keep the magic of creativity rife.

 

I’m sure you weren’t expecting this, so I thought I should give it a go.

Here’s hoping your year is full of highs, and never hits a low.

 

65 is no small number, and you epitomise experience.

Thank you for the best of everything without the slightest hint of variance.

 

The light at the end of the tunnel is what you’ve always taught me to look at.
Thank you for words of hope and encouragement, accompanied by the gentlest pat.

 

I hope you no longer have to worry about how well I will eventually do.

I’m almost on track to a new beginning, and innumerable good things too.

 

You’ve mostly been a calming influence, and I’m sure you’ll continue to be so.
Thank you for always looking out for me, with love and care in tow.

 

You’ve joined me on numerous travels, the results of which didn’t always please.

But having you for company as I made effort after effort, ushered in a sense of ease.

 

I still remember you first taught me how to make a paper plane.

Guess you always wanted me to fly high, be it sunshine or rain.

 

I know you care and I might not say it as often as you like.

Thank you for being my guiding light without so much as a sike.

 

And I’ll forever cherish memories of watching Tom & Jerry together.

The laughs we shared unrestrained, with no sign of a tether.

 

So as we celebrate your special moment, I wish you many happy returns of the day.

And we’ll never really be apart, even if I’m away come May.

Dear 2016

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Oh 2016! What a year you’ve been.

A challenge at every step, unlike any I’d ever seen.
You prodded me on when I had little hope.

And also pushed me off a cliff, with no traces of a rope.
The lessons I learned will stay with me forever.

For at times you made me feel dumb, and on others a tad clever.

I tried and failed, and tried and failed.

But saw to it that every effort was hailed.

I may have lost more than I won.

But you ought to know, that I am far from done.

As you breathe your last, I reminisce it all.

Having survived the duel, I celebrate your fall. 

And although a new year is only all numbers,

it’s also the end of a few hundred slumbers.

So I will wake up tomorrow to a fresh set of days.

Looking forward to making them count in multiple ways.

People have resolutions, but I have none.

I wouldn’t dare have any, even if pointed by a gun.

For more often than not, they stay unfulfilled.

Adding to the pressure, setting dreams up to be killed.

And don’t you worry, for my shoulders won’t always be cold.

You also gave me memories – plenty worth their weight in gold.

So walking into the future, I take in what is.

I let my life lead me, out of your abyss.

​10 Reasons Why Personizing Sucks!

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1. Obvious Humour:

A statement that personizes anything works as a prompt for a possible obvious scientifically correct statement in an attempt to crack a joke. While the ‘joker’ in question may bask in the glory of his tiny wit, you feel stupefied, annoyed and sorry for their lack of imagination all at the same time.

2. Imagination (and the lack of it):

Practical jokes often stem from a desperate desire to look funny. Conjuring up metaphors can feel good to an enthusiast of the written word; and some people may look down on you,  and wonder why you look so dazed at times. To them you’re the perpetual fantasizer that has lost track of reality. Haven’t you really though? And wilfully too.

3. Helplessness:

You just can’t help it. No, you haven’t lost your mind yet. But there’s no explaining that to your wilful or at times, forced audience.

4. You’re always high:

You don’t have to smoke weed to see what most people won’t. You bring inanimate objects to life at will, and it’s a high no drug can match.

5. No revenge:

You want it sometimes for the mockery that comes with it, but there’s no way to get it. You think long and hard, seeking a way to do it, but find none. At the end of the day, you have to make-do with the fact that it’s them that have the raw deal.

6. It’s addictive:

It clings to you like leeches, and it’s more stubborn than any of those little suckers will ever be.

7. Indecisiveness:

It makes you wonder if you’re stupid. Am I? Am I not? You never have a definite answer. Maybe you are, but that’s one of those rare, right kinds of stupidities. Because through every word, you enlighten a life or two, and even if it’s just one, it counts.

8. Takes varying degrees of thinking from time to time:

It won’t always be easy. But most things that are worthwhile, seldom are.

9. It’s rarely a shared experience:

It’s not something you would discuss with people, so you write about it and wonder if people will laugh at you as you put it out. You are almost sure they will, but secretly hope they won’t.

10. Basically, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea:

Or coffee. Or lemon juice. It’s not a cup. It’s not even a thing. It doesn’t have mass nor does it occupy space. See, I know science. Yes, I stated the obvious, but isn’t everyone fond of that? So when a writer states the not-so-obvious and it isn’t to your taste, let it go. To you, it might make no sense, but to him/her, it’s merely a string of ideas that are beyond the reaches of your mind. For now.

It only takes some trying to get there.

Diwali Rhymes

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diwali

It’s that time of the year again,
When the order of the day is all joy and no pain.

It’s the time for festivities and bright lights.
As they all gleam in reds, yellows and whites.

You’ve had your share of sweets, and yet there are more.
Eat just one apiece or it’s calories galore.

The nights are brighter than they’ve ever been.
The lights dance around and windows have a sheen.

Your relatives come in, and you have a good time.
You share a laugh with your cousins – your partners in crime.

A long lost friend drops in a cheerful greeting.
‘It’s been ages’, you say, and schedule a meeting.

And amid all the joy you hear a bang.
A hundred decibels! – your eardrums feel a pang.

For a minute or two, you can’t hear a thing.
The kid who lights another feels like a king.

The usual air is suddenly an all engulfing smoke.
Breathing seconds ago, you now begin to choke.

Your cringe and curse with both fists clenched.
‘I wish it rains’, you say, so his crackers get drenched.

The rain God laughs and mocks your desire.
You awkwardly look away; he’s fighting fire with fire.

Looking around you hope to find a sensible soul.
Saving the planet you realise, is a lonely role.

Endless amounts of trash strewn all over.
You hope and pray they wouldn’t stoop any lower.

You summon Lord Ram with a desperate yelp.
‘I am sorry’, he says. I am not a lot of help.

And looking down from your balcony, you helplessly sigh.
You hear nature whisper, ‘Stop or die.’

Sibling Rhymes

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image

You asked for a poem so here it goes..
As fresh and pleasing as a blooming rose..

I didn’t really know if I could write one..
But I tried anyway, thinking it’d be fun..

A couple of weeks ago, we had a big fight..
Debating and trying to prove ourselves right..

It was a fierce clash unlike any in recent history..
Whether it would ever end, was nothing short of a mystery..

But as this day came closer things began to change..
As we hopped from shop to shop, as you checked accessories from every range..

The smile and the cheers are back again..
Holding us in good stead since September ten..

And it was about time we broke the ice..
So I could feed your face another slice.. 
An extra bite of that lovely cake.. 
We eat a bit, the rest is yours to take..

Here’s to all the memories we continue to build..
For time flies even though we hadn’t willed.. 

We never know what tomorrow may bring..
But I only hope you can continue to sing..
For the world can’t stay devoid of your talent..  
They will all bear and forever stay gallant..

May the year bring you truckloads of cheer.. 
With chocolates aplenty, and a metabolism that knows no fear.. 

I take this opportunity to wish you one more time..
‘Happy Birthday!’ – I say, for the sake of a rhyme..

Let’s make this another happening day..
For we always have the will, and definitely know the way!  

Vibes

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Mumbai ki na Delhi walon ki; Pinky hai paise walon ki, went the song. For a moment he wondered who Pinky was -and if she had anything to do with him. After much contemplation, he gave up.

“Maybe I am trying too soon. I should observe some more before I try to make sense of this”, he thought.

This wasn’t exactly supposed to be a party, but over the years it had slowly turned into one – sans the alcohol, but the music was unmistakable. A DJ with his setup was on a truck, pandering to the live audiences’ demands and gesturing them to jump with him.

It wasn’t his birthday, he wasn’t getting married and neither was he being promoted on a job, but the crowd directly in front of his eyes, dancing like there’s no tomorrow, suggested otherwise. He wished he could travel back in time. Overwhelmed by nostalgia, he closed his eyes and reminisced the days of old – less pandemonium, more purpose. He liked it that way. But not all of his modern day followers necessarily agreed.

He looked forward to this short visit every year. Most of all, he loved his people. Welcomed in millions of homes around the world, he admired some of them for simply believing in him – he who could slay every obstacle there was or could possibly be. With a heart full of gratitude, he eventually left – promising his followers to come back whilst also keeping an eye out for them from afar.

Not everyone could let him stay for ten days, and he understood. Life was way busier now than it was more than four hundred years ago – when a career wasn’t as pressing a reality as it is today. He was first welcomed by a ruler in the early 1600s –the ruler who was loved by his people then, and is fondly admired by his people even today.

Time flew when he was here. Ten days felt like a few fleeting moments.

As he made his made his way to the sea on each of the immersion days, he wondered if the floating objects were offerings he could take along.

“I don’t really need those.”

As idol after idol was immersed, he followed the trail to each of them. Floating flowers would return to the shore at high tides and make the beach look like an eyesore at low tides, he knew. And although he wished he could clean it all by himself, he feared that taking it easy on his people would only encourage them further.

“I should let them see the filth and decide for themselves.”

He was proud of most of them for using eco-friendly idols. But some didn’t, and in addition to a little money, they paid a price that seemingly didn’t affect anything or anyone right then. Little did they know that it would all come back to haunt them some day. The planet’s predicament would soon be appalling. It already was, but there was more on the horizon.

The God of wisdom was surprised by the lack of it here – dispersing it among an educated few wasn’t anywhere close to being a quick fix. A change in attitudes was the only thing that would really work.

“There will be a day when these people will expect me to save them from a calamity more self-made than natural. What will I do then? Will my principles still hold? What if lives are lost?”

It was unusual for someone of his stature to be in a dilemma. But he was in one now – all thanks to his unruly followers. They had already ruined the very waters at their shores, but an end was nowhere in sight. It was something they clearly saw, yet chose to unsee. Karma loomed large.

He spent the next 365 days missing his followers and hoping that the next year wouldn’t be as messy as the one gone by. They were mortals after all. And they could take more time to learn – certainly more than the average God.

As the 366th day dawned, he awoke with renewed hope.

He could hear some music in the distance. Excitedly, he jumped out of bed and called out to his mouse. Halfway through, he still couldn’t hear it clearly but it was louder.

ganesha-on-mouse

Straining his ears, he heard the words, DJ wale babu..

“Turn around”, he said, hitting his forehead with the palm of his hand.

“I would rather catch up on some more sleep.”

An Amalgamation of Masters

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shaky

Indian cricketer Sachin Tendulkar watche

 

Cometh the hour, cometh the man!

Ready to wield the bat of glory.

 

The bowlers hope to send him packing.

“Oh for goodness sake!”, he says. “Prepare for a whacking.”

 

Bowler after bowler becomes a laughing stock.

The spectators don’t sleep a wink.

 

With baited breath they all watch.

As he fights fire with fire, kicking his game up a notch.

 

The fielding team is a sorry sight.

They’ve seen better days but this is his night.

 

The uppercuts follow the cover drives and the pulls; the ball vanishes into thin air.

It doesn’t matter if it’s Wankhede or Lord’s – for the world is his oyster and he’s a talent that’s rare.

 

As he runs across and celebrates a ton; he makes your hair stand on end.

You’re not sure if he’s also just human, nothing more than a godsend.

 

He’s determined to stay at the crease come what may; taking his team out of the jaws of death.

 

The game is up, the opponents know. For in all anticipation, they now lie low.

 

And then it happens, the prized wicket! TV sets around the country go off.

“Good riddance!”, the bowlers think. The fielding captain steals a wink.

 

The spectators watch dead as doornails.

 

Now they know why they say, “You can never have too much of a good thing.”

They wear their hearts on their sleeves and cheer for him with all their might.

 

He raises his bat to acknowledge them all. A heart of gold shines through, despite a fall.

 

The team was once in a pickle, with two wickets down. “Fair play!”, the commentators exclaim.

*Knock knock* “Who’s there?”, they ask.

It’s the little master at the door to their hearts.

 

Mind-Trip

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For someone who is fascinated by the many possibilities of travel, I haven’t done a lot of it in the physical world. However, in the realms of my mind is a route that takes me way deeper into my soul than any road ever will. It’s a trip unlike any other and one that brings forth flashes of the good and the bad. It’s the trip we’ve all been to, and continue to take every other day… The trip down memory lane!

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It’s a lane that builds itself over time – it only needs you to live, and takes no dime. It resides within the confines of your mind and yet, goes way beyond a thousand miles. Getting there is no mean feat. Overstay your welcome, and you are dead meat – lifeless enough to miss the little things that come your way. Depriving you of all focus, and leading you astray.

At a time when living in the present is considered a necessity, this is a privilege many learn to do without.

“Why dwell on the past when I can live now?”

The memory lane is no flashy street -certainly not all the way.

Decrepit lamps and shoddy streets at one moment, and the likeness to a lively city on the other, makes this a location of contrasts. Damaged frames, shattered vases and broken hearts lie disheveled. While pictures of happier times, letters of appreciation and the laughs on repeat at an audio store – all make for a pleasant stroll while reminding me of my roots and the impermanence of things, tangible and intangible alike.

The walk is long and tires me after a while. The heart still beats sans any panic; but my emotions are on overkill – never a great signal. I decide it’s time for a breather, and sit down by the edge of the street, hoping to let my emotions settle. I ask them to sit right by me, requesting them to not go away. They take deep breaths and collect themselves, feeling sorry for all of life because it brought along shades of grey.

They join me in a while as I continue my journey – stronger this time, unaffected by the crests and troughs. The memory lane scares me lesser this time, as I build a resistance for everything that didn’t work, for occurrences that surpassed no expectation and toward an ego that refused to let me be.

I trudge from one end to the other, looking fondly at everything I once possessed – wishing I could hold it all once again. But such are the ways of the world they say, that nothing lasts forever.

I decide to let go and keep walking; hoping to find memories my mind may have lost. But I only get back to where I started from. Thinking I may have lost my way, I look around for a way ahead. “Memory lanes don’t come with maps”, they say. “They rebuild themselves from time to time.”

Unkempt and weary, I come back to the moment; looking forward to another free roam.

Memory lanes keep the present at bay, so you wonder if there’s another way to reminisce it all – only to realise that you have no other choice. So you hold on tight to your ropes, swinging past memory after memory and soaking it all in differently each time.